A Messed Up Pair of Winchesters
by LittleLonnie
Summary: Set at the end of 7x03 "The Girl Next Door". Sam finds out Dean did at the end.


**Title: **A Messed Up Pair of Winchesters

**Author: **LittleLonnie

**Genre:** Hurt/Comfort/Family

**Warning:** Spoilers for 7x03

**Characters:** Sam, Dean

**Summary:** Sam finds out Dean killed Amy.

* * *

><p>"Room 21" Dean noted, reading the text he had received from Sam about which room number they had. He got out of the Impala after parking in front of said room, looking down at himself and dusting off his shirt. He took a deep breath, forcing his poker face on. He wouldn't lie to Sam, but neither did he want to tell what he'd done if not necessary.<br>When he opened the door to their room, the first thing he noticed was his little brother sleeping on one of the beds, long as he was, feet dangling over the edge. He smiled to himself at the sight. His brother looked peaceful asleep.  
>Dean pulled out his bottle of medicine and put it on the bedside table. He had just put his legs up on the bed and turned on the TV when a shiver through his brother's body signaled he was waking.<p>

"Hey, bad dream?" Dean asked and felt his stomach lurch when Sam gave him such a satisfied smile. Like he was really happy to just see his big brother. Yeah, like that didn't make him suddenly feel terrible and the poker face got suddenly hard keeping up.

"No actually," Sam slowly sat up in bed, stomach rumbling as he did,

"I see you got your happy pills."

"Uhm, yeah. You hungry?" Dean raised an eyebrow as Sam's stomach made another rumbling sound.

"Mhm. You didn't happen to buy anything while you were out?" Sam asked, getting up from the bed and went over to the bathroom.

"No, sorry. I didn't really think about that," Dean cursed himself silently. Another thing to feel guilty about. Sam though came back out looking just as satisfied.

"It's okay. I can go get some myself. That is, if you let me borrow the car," Sam raised his eyebrows questionably. Dean squinted at him before shrugging, pointing to his jacket hanging by the door,

"Key's in the jacket. Don't do anything stupid, m'kay?"

Sam rolled his eyes and picked out the Impala's keys from Dean's jacket,  
>"Don't think my head will take more knocks to the head soon," he joked, but saw a second flash of guilt cross his brother's face and changed topic quickly,<p>

"You want anything?"

"Some beer. Not hungry though," Dean smiled and Sam vanished out the door.

* * *

><p>Sam wasn't gone for more then twenty minutes, but by the time he came back through the door the smile he had left with was long gone.<br>"What's up? Someone stole your lolly?" Dean joked halfheartedly. When Sam didn't answer he got up from bed, worried that his brother might have had another face to face time with hell memories.

"Sammy?" Dean came up closer when Sam suddenly held up a knife. His heart stopped.

"What is this?" Sam asked, forehead furrowed, mouth a tight line. The knife in his hand was still bloody and Dean cursed himself for forgetting about it. He had planned to wash it later since he knew Sam would be in the motel room, so he had hid it under the seat in the Impala. Clearly not good enough.

"Uhm. A knife. That I should wash," Dean tried to stay calm as he carefully took the bloodied knife from his brother's hand, Sam letting him, just quietly standing there.

"It's still pretty fresh, Dean," Sam said, showing the dried blood he had scraped off the blade. Most had dried, but some was still sticky and red. Not yet brown. Dean didn't answer, just swallowed tightly.

"Please don't say it's what I think it is," Sam finally looked up at his big brother, his eyes wide and worried. When Dean still didn't answer Sam had his answer and pressed his eyes shut.

"You said you trusted me," Sam said quietly, feeling a lump grow in his throat as he stepped back, running a hand over his face.

"Sammy," Dean finally spoke,

"It had to be done. I just didn't want to involve you," Dean tried to explain, but Sam just pushed him harshly away when he came close.

"You said you trusted me!" Sam shouted, his wide puppy dog eyes were brimming with tears,

"I know all the shit I've done, Dean. I know I've lied and been the worse brother imaginable..." Sam turned away to leave, not wanting to finish, but Dean grabbed onto his arm, not wanting his brother to walk out again.

"I'm sorry!" Dean said honestly, but Sam interrupted him before he could continue.

"Dean. I'd rather you'd say you still don't trust me then to get my hopes up," Sam was so close to tears now that Dean felt the desperate need to calm him down.

"Sam, please, listen to me-"

"You just made a little kid an orphan, Dean," Sam interrupted him again,

"Or did you kill him too?"

"No I didn't. I..." Dean licked his lip before biting down on it.

"See Sam. Is Hell really that different?" another voice suddenly spoke and Sam jumped a little. Lucifer was leaning against the bathroom door opening, arms crossed and a 'told you so' look on his face.  
>Dean looked over his own shoulder when Sam's eyes left him. Of course Sam wasn't looking at anything that was really there.<p>

"Sam?" Dean looked back at his brother and grabbed him gently by the elbow,

"Remember, it's not real."

"Yeah sadly your reality is with this righteous fool. Though it's rather amusing to watch," Lucifer continued.

"Sam don't make me show you real pain again," Dean said with a slight smile.

"Shut up!" Sam looked straight at Dean,

"What's wrong with you?" Sam pushed Dean away again,

"You keep acting like I'm a one man freak show yet you're the one killing someone just like me. And a mother," Sam ranted, but this time Dean stopped him.

"You're not the same as her, Sam! You're not a freak!" Dean raised his voice, trying to get Sam to focus on him and not the invisible whatever that was haunting Sam now.

"_If I didn't know you - I would wanna hunt you-"_ Sam said, Lucifer citing him exactly to the point, creeping him the hell out, but he ignored him,

"Does that ring a bell? The only difference is that you do know me."  
>Dean just stood there again, knowing Sam had just seen right through him.<p>

"Okay. Fine," Dean said so quietly it could easily have been missed if everything wasn't already so quiet,

"But you're not a freak. Lenore meant good too, but you saw how that ended. Amy might have meant well, but in the end it would go and bite her in the ass. She would kill again," Dean defended,

"Some things wont change, Sam. It's their nature."

"So what? All the crap I did in the past. That's all you still see when you see me? I haven't changed?" Sam looked at him with begging eyes.

"Sammy," Dean stepped closer again, locking his hands on both sides of his little brother's neck,

"That's what I'm saying. You are not the same. There might be similarities, but that's it. Because you're not that guy anymore. You're long forgiven," Dean let his hands slide down to Sam's collar when he noticed Sam's gaze was moving from him to somewhere behind him and back again.

"Aww he always has an answer to everything doesn't he?" Lucifer shrugged.

"Sam!" Dean shook Sam's collar to make him focus on him. Sam looked at him, but didn't answer. He just let himself back against the door, closing his eyes.

"You still killed someone's mother. You still don't trust me," Sam muttered, feeling his brother's presence, but not opening his eyes. Not wanting to see neither Dean or Lucifer.

"I trust you Sam. I never lied when I said that," Dean took hold of Sam's collar again and pulled him away from the door and led him over to his bed, easily pushing him down onto the bed,

"I just don't trust her. You told me that night you first met her on this hunt she was circling a drunk guy. That doesn't sound like someone who's stopped killing. If you hadn't showed up you can't tell me she wouldn't have killed him," Dean said, kneeling in front of Sam, relieved to see that his brother's eyes was calmer. Still filled with pain though.

"I'm sorry, Sam. I..." Dean looked down for a moment before sucking it up,

"So I'm messed up too. I can't really deny that any longer," Dean explained,

"But I couldn't let her go."

Sam didn't answer at all. Didn't seem to acknowledge him at all. Just sat there, feeling numb, Lucifer gone for now. Dean tried to get any response from him, but Sam had locked him out. Sighing Dean stood up and started to pull off Sam's jacket, before going over to the door and hanging it up beside his own.  
>Sam looked down his scarred hand, a long awaited headache slowly growing behind his eyes. He heard Dean picking up one of the bags he had come back with, waited a second before a slight intake of air made Sam look up.<p>

"Now you bought pie?" Dean raised an eyebrow, not sure whether to be amused or just break down crying like a little girl. Sam and his damned timing. Of course he had bought him pie now. Naturally.

"Turns out Biggerson's has pie bars now," Sam said lamely, looking up at his brother, slightly amused by the look on Dean's face. He had no clue how to react. Then again Sam hadn't exactly expected to find a bloody knife sliding out from under the seat either. He slowly closed his eyes again. He had no idea what to do. It was too much going on now. He heard Dean shuffle around the room before feeling the bed dip beside him.

"I really am sorry," Dean said, their knees and shoulders touching,

"I messed up."

Sam just nodded slowly, looking to his side to see his brother again, but didn't say anything.

"And since you bought me pie for once-" His voice still low, but now with a slight tint of humor, Dean opened the package and handed Sam a plastic fork,

"I'll share it with you."


End file.
